out of commission…

photo credit: @ryanfesko’s instagram (:

scared… I think that’s the best word for it. after you have had cancer, and you get this uncontrollable pain in your abdomen your brain starts working in overtime. I think deep down I knew it was appendicitis, but when you’re laying there on the couch grasping your stomach you can’t help but let your mind wander a little.

it was friday morning. ryan had just left for work and I thought I would get some rest while Ian was down for his morning nap, as I had been up with him every three hours the night before.  it was then that I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t get comfortable, and every time I moved the pain just radiated through my body… then the vomiting started. joy.

I called my doctor’s office and the triage nurse strongly suggested that I get to the ER “right away, and don’t wait.” now, if you know anything about the medical field they are trained to not panic… but when a nurse flat out says, “don’t wait” you know something is up. I called ryan’s cell… no answer… what!? you left the house for work knowing I was in pain,  and you don’t answer… ok, I’ll try your desk… no answer… WHAT!? luckily I have one of his co-workers numbers… so I called her… voicemail.  oh my God, I’m going to die right here. luckily, my mother answered her phone, dropped everything and made a beeline for my home which is only a 30 minute drive through construction on I-85. woot. okay… childcare… check. I’m a big girl… I can drive myself to the ER… right.

finally, ryan calls me back… I tell him what the nurse said, that mom was on her way and I was going to drive myself to the ER… he was home in 5 minutes. we got to the ER… more vomiting. awesome. no, I do not have the flu. the nurse ordered me into a wheelchair… great. now I’m sick and crippled. fabulous. while everyone that arrived before and after us was called back to triage, I decided to hunch over while guessing prices on every day items along with the contestants on the tele. do these people not grocery shop? finally, we were called back.  they did a quick check of my vitals, got me back to a room and had me in a backless gown in no time.  I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of the pain meds (oh the wonderful pain meds), CT scan and the conclusion… but what I do find funny is that at one point my first dose of morphine was wearing off (or the pain was increasing), and the nurse went to go get another dose.  after what felt like a half hour I looked at ryan and asked, “did they forget about me?” his reply? “honey, it’s been 5 minutes.” oh how pain distorts your perception of time when you have no clock or phone!

We arrived at the hospital at 11am and by 4 I was in surgery, in recovery by 5 and home by 6.  home by 6 after what is generally not considered an “out patient surgery.” I have to keep reminding myself that although I was in and out of the hospital in 1 day, it doesn’t minimize what happened. the worst part? I can’t lift anything over 10lbs, which includes my hulk of a son, so we’re needing people to come over and help me with the kiddo. I also can’t be on my feet for extended amounts of time, so no shoots yet. the best part? they said the surgery couldn’t have gone better, and there were no other complications that they could see.  which means… no cancer. I’m still in remission. I still have this thing beat. praise God.

a huge thank you to everyone who has sent flowers, called, texted and facebooked me.  you guys know how to make a girl feel loved. while I’m still able to edit, blog and do minimal work; I’m still being ordered to rest and recoup until Valentine’s day. although I want to get back at it 110%, I need to rest or I won’t fully heal. so I’m laying low for another week or so, but will still try to blog and keep everyone updated.  love you all!

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